on hiring a valet

Wood valet stand with articles of clothing

Every woman needs a staff, including a chauffeur, a butler, a valet and Girl Friday. All of these servants are essential; however today we’re going to focus on the valet. What is a valet? What does he do for you? No, it’s not the person who takes your Ferrari or Honda Civic for a joy ride around the block after you give him the keys to your car on your way into an expensive restaurant, but it’s a person who helps you get dressed in the morning. You can also call the person a Lady’s Maid.

Having a valet (or Lady’s Maid) is essential to every woman. Getting dressed in the morning is the first thing you do, and wouldn’t it be nice to have someone do this menial task for you, so that you can focus on the important events of your upcoming day?

Imagine not having to answer all of the questions we have at 6:00 am. Which earrings? What are the appropriate shoes for today’s weather and occasion? The valet makes all these decisions for you, freeing your mind to daydream new ideas and inventions as you don your fresh socks.

Some of us do not have the budget to have a full staff at our house/mansion/apartment/double wide. If this is the case, do not hire a human valet. (Instead, save your money for a Butler. More on the butler later.) The alternative to hiring a flesh-and- blood, breathing human being to be your valet is to get one of these nifty valet stands. It’s the kind of thing that you can imagine being in Bertie Wooster’s bedroom — a place to hold tomorrow’s clothing. It’s usually made of wood, and is the stand where you can hang up your jacket, pants, socks, belt and necklace, and maybe even a little tray for your earrings, rings and bracelets.

You can buy expensive antique valet stands at an antique store, or a metal one at IKEA, or select from a variety of styles at your favorite online retailer. Mine I found in a thrift shop for five dollars. It’s where I prepare tomorrow’s clothing, knowing that in the morning I will not have the time or the brainpower to make little decisions such as which pants or earrings or blouse…

When you have your valet stand in your bedroom, fully loaded with tomorrow’s uniform and sundry accessories, you will sleep deeply with a little smile on your face, knowing that Jeeves, or Pennyworth, or Lyckspittle, will be at your bedside in the early morn to counsel you on the proper attire for your day.

My trusted valet stand is there when I wake up at 5:55 AM, loyally waiting for me, holding the day’s outfit. It does not bring me a cup of tea in bed in the morning, but it does fulfill its job duties by getting me dressed for the day, ready to conquer the day’s dragon.

on the benefits of having a Femme Fatale kit at hand

photo of a scarf, earrings, lipstick

photo of a scarf, earrings, lipstick
What’s in your Femme Fatale Kit?

So this morning you overslept; you had to jump out of bed, find an outfit (the one you wore yesterday is on the floor, so give it a good shake and don those threads) and quickly clean the house before the cleaning ladies arrive at 7:30. You brushed your teeth, your shoes match, and generally most parts of your body that need to be hidden by clothes are indeed hidden. But now after meetings, driving children to school and more meetings, you look a little, perhaps — I’m sorry to say this, but the truth is always the best answer— frazzled. Your hair is a bit frizzy on the left side. No makeup. No earrings. Dirt under your right index finger from when you needed to get some herbs from the garden for dinner last night.

Your shoes match, and your breath is fresh, but you look awful. Not put together one bit.  Tonight is a weeknight, but you do have that Event you have to go to at 6:30. It’s not a gala. It’s not a dinner with your husband. It’s not girls’ night out at the movies. It’s just a school/work/social thing you are going to. How can you possibly start fixing your appearance, at 5:45, in the car. There’s no time to go home and start the process over again; shower, blowout, makeup, carefully chosen blouse, jewelry, and those cute wedge sandals. You are wearing what you are wearing.

What if, ladies, in the car, you had just what you needed to improve your look by 100%? Well, I have that solution for you. It’s the Lady Martine Femme Fatale Kit. It could easily fit in your glovebox or even in your handbag. Here is how to make it. Take a silk scarf, approximately 20 inches by 20 inches, and lay it on your dining room table. In it, place one lipstick (one that you feel comfortable wearing, but still has a little bit of an edge to it. Remember; you’re a femme fatale, not a respectable housewife.), one small perfume atomizer, and a pair of large earrings. Fold it over on itself so it is contained in one pocket. Keep this on you at all times, for when you need a quick makeover. If ever you look in the car mirror before going to your evening event, and see Ms. Frumpiness staring back at you, whip out your Lady Martine Femme Fatale Kit, apply lipstick, put on earrings, then roll the scarf into a snake and tie it around your neck, with the knot on the side, just like the TWA Stewardesses in the 1970s. Add a smile, and you’re ready to rock and roll